So this morning I had an 'epiphany' (if you can call it that, I'm not really sure what that word means).
Last night I was feeling anxious, a bit fearful and a bit negative, which I didnt know why because I had a couple of days of feeling good, and was trying hard to think and feel good and positive. I really didnt have a reason to feel anxious. So lying in bed this morning, I asked myself well what was different about yesterday? And then I realised I ate a lot of junk food at the birthday party yesterday. Wow. Could that food I ate have caused me to start feeling anxious and negative? Of course! Eat crap food, feel like crap! Like the saying "You are what you eat!" And then it all started to make sense to me. That other week when I felt like dying, I was bingeing myself on junk food to try and make myself feel good, to improve the situation - at least thats what I thought. But in hindsight, I now realise it was the effect of the bad food I was bingeing on that was CAUSING the depression. So if I really wanted to stop feeling depressed, I needed to STOP eating bad food, and NOT try and use it to cure myself. But now it really hits home - food does have a great effect on your physical - not just your body, but on your mental and emotional.
When I was a little girl, I was hyper-active, and I used to get hyper when I had red food colouring. I dont know if that ever really went away, or whether I just got so good at learning not to react to it that I forgot I had it. But now I've learnt another reaction - lots of sugar makes me feel anxious, nervous, and depressed. The news is good news, (because now I know if I dont want to feel that way, I have to eat better food) but alas... I'm a little sad that I'm going to have to give up my vices!
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